he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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