In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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