When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
