I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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