I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
