Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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