i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
