I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize