That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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