I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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