No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
