2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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