Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
