The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
