Your dad touched me again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
