I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We have so much sex to catch up on
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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