I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
