thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
