Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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