I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
