Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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