you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
