the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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