this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
