Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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