Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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