You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
