If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
