Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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