I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
