Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
