I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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