I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
