I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
