i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
