The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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