i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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