Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think my vagina is haunted
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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