she kept yelling 'call me bella'
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
