I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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