i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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