my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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