so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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