So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
