When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
