Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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