Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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