We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
