you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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