she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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