id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
