my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
