hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
