She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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