the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
