You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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