Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
