OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
