Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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