i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
