Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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