My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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