and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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