he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
