Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
