My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
