omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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