Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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