I want to walk on stilts...naked
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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