I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
