Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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