I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
